


Breaking Point

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caring, Caring Reader, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean is a Little Shit, Dean is a dick, Death Threats, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fear, Fear of Discovery, Feelings, Feels, Hugs, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Control, Magic, Magic-Users, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Out of Character Dean, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Psychological Trauma, Rowena Not Coping, Talking, Tears, Threats, Trauma, Traumatized Rowena, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Everyone has a breaking point. Upon learning of Lucifer's return, Rowena has reached hers. Sam and Dean are helpless, and it's up to reader to calm her down.





	Breaking Point

Unbinding her true power was supposed to give Rowena some peace of mind, but she still couldn't feel safe.

She still woke up screaming and covered in cold sweat from head to toe.

She would still randomly burst into tears and spend an hour, minimum, weeping.

All the doors in the house still had to be kept wide open, and you still had to announce your presence every time you were about to enter a room she was in.

She still wouldn't leave the house, preferring to sip her tea in the living room, curled up on the couch. The only time she went out was when you were going somewhere. She wouldn't say it out loud, but it was as obvious as day that she didn't want to be left alone. She didn't want you to leave her alone.

Again.

You knew Rowena didn't blame you for what happened, but you still felt guilty. You shouldn't have left her alone that horrible day. You shouldn't have gotten so angry and stormed out to cool off.

You hadn't gotten angry at her since.

When the Winchesters called, claiming they had a lead and requiring assistance, Rowena was quick to say yes. You told her it was a bad idea; dealing with the brothers had brought the both of you more trouble than they were worth. But she was adamant on going. She needed to get her mind off things, and what better way for a traumatized witch to distract herself than to help out two hunters in need?

So you went.

You could have easily refused to go. Rowena wouldn't have gone without you. But it was hard to say no to that pleading look on her face. She needed this. Who were you to take it away from her?

Once you arrived to the bunker and Sam and Dean explained what exactly they needed help with, you wished you  _had_  stayed home.

"He's  _here_ _?"_

There was absolute panic in Rowena's voice, the kind you'd only seen after she'd wake up from a particularly bad nightmare. Her eyes widened, tears gathering inside of them. Swallowing hard, she pushed them back and took a deep breath. Then another, and another. But no matter how hard she tried to remain calm, her peace was gone.

As it turned out, Lucifer wasn't in another dimension anymore. He was here, in America, roaming free without a care in the world.

And the Winchesters needed Rowena's help to find him.

"Been here a while," Dean said, eyes firmly settled on Rowena. His face was rid of all emotion, his gaze blank, unreadable.

"And you didn't think to let us know?" you said angrily, shooting each of them a glare. They knew what Rowena had been through at his hands, knew how traumatized it left her. At the very least they could have texted.

Sam at least had the decency to look apologetic. "We found a way to kill him."

"Archangel blade," Dean clarified. "A bitch to find, but we got it." He narrowed his eyes at Rowena. "All that's left is finding Lucifer. That's where you come in."

Rowena looked mortified. "Y-you want me to l-look for him?" Her lips were trembling, along with the rest of her body, her voice breaking with each word.

Instinctively, you laid a hand on her shoulder, giving a light, comforting squeeze.  _I'_ _m_ _here,_  your gesture said.  _Don'_ _t_ _be afraid._ _I'_ _m_ _here._  Her muscles were tense, but she relaxed a bit under your touch.

"That's the idea," Dean said. "You find him, we gank him, case closed."

Rowena gulped. "No," she all but whispered. "I can't."

The elder Winchester narrowed his eyes at her. "I know Sam gave you the page. Don't tell me you don't have your power back, 'cause that's bull." He leaned forward in his chair, looking her directly in the eyes. His stern expression told he was in no mood for games. "A superwitch like you won't have any trouble finding the big, bad devil."

"I'm not saying I can't find him. I'm saying that I  _won'_ _t!"_  Rowena snapped. 

You tightened your hold on her, but it was pointless. Her breathing fastened, heart beating rapidly, like a bomb nearing explosion. You glanced at Dean incredulously, teeth clenching, burning with anger. Since when was he so cruel? He and Rowena had had their differences, but he never acted this way. He was so kind to her last year. What in the hell happened to him?

Dean sighed. "Look, I know–" 

"You know  _nothing_ _!"_  Rowena exclaimed, throwing her arms up for emphasis.

"Listen, you're our only shot at getting rid of him once and for all," Sam said. His tone, unlike that of his brother, radiated with compassion rather than strictness. "I know you're scared, but you have your power back now. You just have to locate him. We'll deal with the rest."

"How can you even ask that?" you said, incredulous. You expected Sam, at least, to know better.

"We don't exactly have other choices," Dean said. "We're not happy to be working with you guys, either, but business is business."

Re-traumatizing your girlfriend wasn't business.

It was heartless.

"And you couldn't tell us this over the phone?" you asked.

"We could've, but…" Dean said nonchalantly, leaving the sentence hanging.

The implication, however, was clear.

"You knew we'd say no."

It was both a statement and accusation. There was no point in being nice anymore. These people used to be your friends. There was a time when you thought Rowena was the enemy. When you first met her, she was in chains, locked up and forced to translate the Book of the Damned. Sam had brought you in to play babysitter. Instead, you'd grown close to her and, when she'd broken free, followed her into a new life of witchcraft, magic, and adventure. You'd fallen for her shortly after, and with time you taught her it was okay to let herself love you back.

You'd lost her to Lucifer twice.

You weren't going to risk losing her the third time. Not when even the mere mention of his name brought her to tears and reawakened painful memories.

Dean shrugged. "Like I said – business."

"I won't do it," Rowena said. Tears broke free, spilling down her cheeks like a waterfall. "I can't see him again."

"You don't have to–"

"You know how locator spell works! I'd have to lead you to him!" she exclaimed.

"You just have to take us to the general area he's in. We'll take it from there."

"He'll know I'm there. He  _always_  knows."

A sob escaped her.

"He probably already knows I'm alive."

Panic set in her eyes again. Gasp after gasp tore from her mouth, breathing turning frantic, as if her lungs wanted to break free from the confinement of her chest.

"He's going to find me."

Her eyes found yours, and you wanted to weep. Rowena wasn't supposed to look so completely, utterly broken.

"Y/N, he's going to find me."

"No, sweetheart. He's not," you said. If Lucifer knew she was alive, he would have already come after her. He wouldn't wait this long to try to kill her for the third time.

"He's looking for me," Rowena said, wildly gesturing with her hands. "We have to-we have to go. We have to hide."

"We'll go home, okay? Just, please, calm down."

"How can I calm down when he's after me?!" she shrieked. "What if he finds us at home?"

"He can't. Cloaking spell, remember?" The two of you cast that spell months ago for the sole reason of hiding from Lucifer. You knew your magic was nothing in comparison to hers, but together, you were pretty much unstoppable. No one could find you unless you wanted to be found. Especially now that she was back at full power. "No one can locate us. And even if he somehow manages to find our house, he can't get through the warding."

"He can burn the house with us inside of it."

Rowena's eyes widened, mouth and hands trembling as horrifying memories flooded her mind, as fresh as the day they were created. Trying to push them back, she shook her head rapidly. But no matter how hard she resisted, they persisted. They flashed before her eyes, and with them came the pain she thought she'd never have to go through again. Long-ago healed wounds stung. Her skin burned. Piercing pain shot through her head, right behind her eyes – eyes that had once melted upon meeting Lucifer's true face.

"I-I can't go through that again. I can't  _burn_  again!"

Watching her fall apart shattered you. Your own mind flashed back to that hotel room of horrors. You were only supposed to be gone for an hour, just to cool off. You were gone for two. And in that time, Lucifer had mercilessly tortured and murdered your girlfriend.

All that was left of her was a charred corpse and a lock of hair neatly laid on the bed.

You stayed with her as she healed. For a long while she couldn't speak or hear anything. But with her senses returning also came the horror. Being unable to talk didn't mean she couldn't make other kinds of noises.

Those helpless, terrified moans still haunted your dreams. 

As soon as you were certain she could hear the sound of your voice, you let her know that you were there. It calmed her a bit, but she was still in pain, still moaning and groaning like she wanted to jump out of her skin.

Or rather, her bones, as for a long time she hadn't had any skin.

The worst part was that you couldn't touch her. It took over a day for her skin to completely grow back. It was only then that you dared to reach for her hand, frightened to death that you were going to hurt her.

She held on for dear life and hadn't let go until she was fully healed.

"And you won't. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you," you promised, looking her in the eyes to let her know that you meant it.

"You can't protect me. No one can protect me," Rowena rambled. "Not even my magic. He-he's too strong. I can't… I can't protect myself. I thought I could, but I can't."

She stepped away from you, walking over to the wall. Leaning her forehead against it, she took deep breaths. Her hands frantically tapped against her thighs. Magic danced over her fingertips, purple and bright, like sparks of electricity shooting through and from her body.

"I can't do this," Rowena whispered. "This is too much. I can't. I can't." Then, she shouted at the top of her lungs,  _"_ _I can'_ _t!"_

Following her outburst, purple energy tore from her body. Furniture crashed, paintings fell, walls cracked, all under the force of the impact. Glass shattered, pieces falling everywhere, covering every inch of the room. Sam and Dean were knocked from their chairs, landing on their backs. You slammed against the wall opposite Rowena, sharp pain piercing your back as it collided with the hard surface.

"What the hell?!" Dean exclaimed.

He and Sam slowly got back on their feet, looking between themselves, then to you, and finally to Rowena.

"What was that?" Sam asked.

"I can't take this anymore!" Rowena wept, hands covering her face to hide her tears. Each sob was followed by a flash of purple pulsating through her, lingering over her skin for a second before being absorbed back into her body. As if struck by an earthquake, the ground began to shake. Broken furniture and glass shards crackled, chiming like a xylophone.

"Knock it off!" Dean exclaimed.

"Rowena!" you called, struggling to regain your footing. You wanted to cry, but you kept your tears at bay. You girl needed you. There would be time for you later. Right now, it was all about her. "Sweetheart, please, stop!"

"He's never gone! No matter what I do, where I go, he always finds me! Why can't he leave me alone?" she cried. Each word was emphasized by stronger shaking. "What have I ever done to him?"

"Nothing, sweetheart. You've done nothing," you told her. "Lucifer's a monster. That isn't on you."

"He'll hurt me!"

"No.  _Never_  again," you said decisively. "I promise you, he'll never even  _look_  at you again. I won't let him."

"No! I can't lose you, too!" Rowena exclaimed, throwing her hands around in a panicking manner. Lightning shot from her palms, one spark connecting with the floor and the other hitting the wall behind Sam and Dean, missing their heads for a mere inch.

"Damn it, Rowena! Stop this!" Dean barked.

"I don't think she can," Sam said.

"Yeah, well, she should," his brother muttered.

Ignoring them, you kept your eyes firmly on Rowena. "You're not gonna lose me. You're stuck with me forever. It's why you gave me the Seal, remember? So I can annoy you for centuries to come." You gave her a small smile. "We're gonna be okay, sweetheart. I promise."

"Liar!" she exclaimed, another blast of magic ripping from her body and rummaging the room.

The walls were cracked, their neat, light surfaces turning dark and charred. You found yourself against the wall again. A small scream escaped you, but you were quick to get back on your feet. Pain pulsated through your body, twisting and turning in your back, like a hand dragging sharp nails underneath your skin. You ignored it, instead focusing on Rowena.

 _This is nothing,_  you told yourself, breathing heavily. She hadn't meant to hurt you. Even when she was evil and pushed her feelings down in favor of an emotionless mask, she hadn't purposely harmed you. This wasn't her – it was the pain.

"I'm not," you said through heavy breaths. The remnants of her magic lingered in the air. Getting comfortable on your feet, you pushed your body forward. One step at a time, you slowly started your way towards her. The invisible magic was thick, its tiny threads gluing to your skin like cobwebs. It felt as if someone had spilled wet, slimy substance all over you and no matter what you did, you couldn't wash it off. "I've never lied to you."

"I don't want your pity!" Rowena yelled.

"It's not pity, I swear."

She glared at you, seemingly angry, but no matter what kind of façade she put on, she could never hide the hurt in her eyes. Those brilliant forest greens, usually so fully of life and now rimmed red and full of tears, held pain you'd never seen before. You'd seen people die; you'd seen those torn apart by monsters and those who'd put a gun to their head, and none of their eyes had borne that look. Some were similar, but none were anywhere close to the level of pain Rowena exhibited.

You thought you understood her, but now you realized you weren't anywhere close to grasping what she was going through. Just how traumatized was she? How much pain was she in?

"Okay, red, that's enough," Dean suddenly said, startling you from your thoughts. Turning to look at him, your eyes widened in shock at the gun he held in his hand.

The gun perfectly aimed at Rowena.

"No!" you screamed. Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself to run. Your legs were heavy, the magic holding you back, but you fought it with everything you had. 

"Dean, what are you doing?" you heard Sam ask.

You paid him no mind. Getting to Rowena was most important.

Finally reaching her, you positioned herself in front of her, shielding her from possible harm.

"I won't let you!" you hissed through rushed breaths.

"She's gonna kill us!" Dean said.

"Wha-kill?" you said incredulously. "She's just scared! Put that thing down! I'm not letting you hurt her!"

"Dean," Sam said warningly, reaching for the gun.

Dean let out a long, hard sigh. Lowering his weapon, he allowed Sam to take it and lay it down on the floor, eyes never leaving yours, threat clear in them.

You made sure to give back as good as you got. Rowena was terrified and in pain. She'd done plenty of horrible things in her four centuries on this Earth, but this time she had no bad intentions. If she could control this, she would have put a stop to it ages ago.

The problem was that she couldn't.

"Help her," Sam said, motioning towards your weeping girlfriend.

Giving a nod, you turned to Rowena. She was staring ahead, straight at the gun by Sam's feet. Her hands nervously tapped her thighs, fingers curling and dancing against the thin, expensive fabric of her pants. The entirety of her was shaking. Her knees were wobbly, and you wondered how she'd managed to remain on her feet.

"Rowena?" you said gently. It took some willpower, but you managed to get your breathing under control, at least a bit "It's okay. No one's gonna hurt you."

Rowena stayed silent. You wondered if she'd heard you. Then, a few moments later, her gaze shifted. Her eyes found yours, and it took all your self-control not to fall apart. It was one thing to watch her from across the room. To see her so vulnerable, so broken and shattered up close was heartbreaking.

"I'm scared, Y/N," she said in a small voice, lips trembling with every word.

"I know, sweetie," you told her.

"It hurts."

"I know."

"I-it hurts so much, I can't breathe!"

You couldn't hold your tears back anymore. "I know, sweetie. Let me help you."

"No one can help me," she said with a shake of her head. Her voice grew quiet, lowering to a whisper.

"I can try."

"Why? Why do you care?" she asked. "I'm just a wicked witch. I've done horrible things. I've brought Lucifer into our lives. I've made your life a nightmare. Why would you want to help someone like me?"

"Because I love you," you said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I don't care what happened before. All I care about is  _you._  You've done some bad things. So what? So have I. So has everyone. What matters is that you've changed. And even if you hadn't, I'd still be here. I love you for you. Nothing else matters to me."

For a while Rowena just stared. Then her legs gave out and she fell on her knees. Sobs overcame her. She brought her hands to her head and buried her face in them, weeping into her palms. You wasted no time, instantly kneeling next to her and pulling her into an embrace. She let you hold her, let you cradle her like a child while she cried, inconsolably, brokenly, into your chest, drenching your shirt with her tears.

"It's gonna be okay," you cooed like a mother consoling a child. "Everything's gonna be okay. I've got you, sweetie."

"I can't see him again," Rowena whimpered.

"You won't. Never again."

She relaxed in your hold, magic calming, purple glow melting back into her body. The room stopped shaking, the heaviness leaving the air.

"That's it, sweetie," you praised. "Good girl."

"I've hurt you," Rowena said.

"Don't worry about it. I'm okay. Just relax." You caressed her hair, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her scalp. "Let's go home, okay?"

You shot Sam and Dean a glare as you said it, warning clear in your eyes. You were leaving. They were weren't going to force you into staying. No more tricks and threats.

They seemed to get the point, as they nodded in agreement.

Rowena gave a small nod of her own. You got up first, then helped her to her feet and put an arm around her for balance. Her hand grabbed onto yours, tiny fingers squeezing tightly. She leaned onto you as you walked, head resting against your chest.

"One more thing." You stopped by the door, turning the look at the Winchesters. "Don't call us. Don't look for us. Don't even  _think_  about us. I don't ever wanna see either of you again."

And with that you were out the door, leaving the bunker and its residents in your past. From now on it was just you and Rowena. No forced allies. No frenemies. No sucking up in exchange for favors. Just you and your girl against the world.

When you got home a couple hours later, you took her to bed and held her. You held her and held her and held her for hours, your arms her shelter, her haven. You would protect her, no matter what it took. Even if you had to die in the process, you would keep her safe. Lucifer would never lay his hands on her again.

It took some time for Rowena's tears to dry and for her breathing to return to its regular pace. She remained still, and you let her, neither of you willing to disturb the peace and ruin the blissful moment.

"Darling?" she said, nuzzling your chest.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Thank you for being there.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for loving me.

A smile spread across your mouth. "Anything for you."

She knew you meant it.

Lucifer may be back, but he couldn't get to her. Not while she was with you, in this warded home, guarded by her unlocked power.

And even if he had, he would regret showing up at her door again.

Rowena may be broken, but she had all the power and wasn't afraid to use it. And, unlike last time, she wasn't alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by OswinTheStrange.
> 
> Inspired by Various & Sundry Villains, as well as the scenes in The Vampire Diaries where Elena and Caroline (respectively) have breakdowns following their loved ones' deaths.


End file.
